Lost and Found

I started over again last year, and did so very well for a time. After finding study partners and creating a schedule, it seemed like it wouldn't be long till I was ready. I was doing some Kaplan and started First Aid with DIT. It was going along so well. The fact I had company helped me really stay on track, even when the hours would get long. I was glued to my seat from 8am-5, and sometimes later. The material was starting to get familiar, my rusty cogs starting to move. I hadn't locked in a date yet so when one of my steady study buddies left the group to bulk up for a fast approaching date, I was still relaxed and going slow. Unfortunately a hiccup occurred when the remaining group members decided to do other things, one even got admission for a nursing school, and left the group altogether. Having lost my company, lack of discipline on my own caused me to slack off, and when issues at home, illness in the family, and guests interfered, I gladly let the distractions have full reign. Its been almost 3 months of very little reading and I found myself completely losing sight of my goals. The days that had intervened had taken a very big toll. The hard work and diligence of the earlier months seemed wasted, as the most important thing I could do which was read on my own, had been neglected and put off till last. Since I had to do this part on my own, I avoided starting and then what I read started to evaporate to the nothingness that occurs when you don't file information properly in your mind, and due to lack of use. All that time and effort made to no effect. Reality that the summer is getting over and I thought I would be somewhere by now has only caused me to want to avoid beginning again even more. Alas you can only live in a dream for so long before reality hits you and you have to do something productive. It was nice taking care of practical matters, being Aunty, cleaning, helping family... but in the end, time has passed, and the task ahead has not gotten easier. I'm not closer to my goal, despite the effort I did put in. The time I lost from my studies, can't be gotten back I know, but slowly, from the back corners of my mind, I'm finding my hope again to start over despite how hard it is to pickup. Just wish that reading could be a group thing, unfortunately I just need to suck it up and glue myself to the chair as faithfully as I did when it was combined study. Tomorrow will be a new day to begin again.